the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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