Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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