Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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