At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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