Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
