Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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