cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
