First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
