Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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