a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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