But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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