i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
