I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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