Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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