You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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