OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
