Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
