Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
