I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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