wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
