So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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