Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
