i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
