how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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