I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
