so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
