Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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