my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
