In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize