I need help removing her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
