I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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