My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize