I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
