relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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