i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
