Who wears a wallet chain?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I will pee on everything he values.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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