the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize