I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What a dumb baby whore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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