Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
