You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
