The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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