and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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