you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
