yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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