When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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