That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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