The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
