i permit you to call me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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