i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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