How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
