Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
