did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize