Will you blow on my dice?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
