Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
