its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
