so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
