I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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