id be glad to
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
