I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
