what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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