Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
