My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
