____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
