At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He did a backflip because drugs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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