I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
