He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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