someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
