how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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