Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
