I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
