how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
