So drunk its hurt
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
