When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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