Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
