if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
