Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Come on in and take your pants off
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