Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
