This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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