just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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