Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
