My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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