you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
