They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
