So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
