I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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