Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
