You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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