My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
