Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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