Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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