Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize