My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
