Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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