He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
