sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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