woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
