My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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