can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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