i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dear god my vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
