We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize