You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
