It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
