there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
being pregnant is like rehab
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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