Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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