have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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