Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
