I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
