I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
