I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
